I'm flipping through my handful of HD channels on my plasma television when I once again can't turn the channel once I get to 706 Time Warner Cable NYC and the amazing Discovery Channel in HD. This time they have this show on called "Trinity and Beyond: The Atomic Bomb", and they are showing these what seem to be real-time clips of the first explosions of the A-Bomb and I've got the volume turned up on my system and I'm almost doubling over in shock over the impact these Hydrogen bombs are making. The color video of Grable, a 15 Kiloton bomb shot out of a cannon on May 25, 1953 is so crisp, so cold and scorched in the HD imagery. The power of the bomb. The power of mankind.
Great pine trees, crisp from a dry desert summer, are windswept as and pulled from their earth by mankind's creation as a toothpick is from a cheap glass trey at any remarkably cheap steakhouse in any city where a huge percentage of this population relative to any other civilization's population in the history of the planet can afford to eat meat. Buses like those that I rode in and my parents rode in and children still ride in today are stripped of their paint, their glass, their metal til they are skeletoned and melted into one piece.
The awesome power unleashed in the torrent and delivered by the system on my wall really do almost make me double over. The mushroom clouds, in what might or might not be slow motion are the buildings collapsing as I ran with my ex's cat, Marquis de Marmalade so named because he was one 23 pound portly orange tabbie-gentleman, in a porta-cage in my hand on that fateful day almost exactly five years ago.
And you know what...the worst part of writing about this is the same reason I don't talk about it...I feel so guilty for not having somehow helped people get out...whew, that hurts to write...
I am feeling uneasy about this anniversary. Restless nerves.